One of the things you can’t really prepare for when you go abroad is the loneliness. It’s so much fun to travel, but when you’re staying there long term, that feeling of being a fish out of water shows up not long after you arrive.
Luckily, dealing with your loneliness is not as hard as it might seem! All it takes is focusing on having fun!
If you’re away from home and need a lift (or just need help in general, as these steps work no matter where you are), keep reading. These are the 4 ways to deal with loneliness when you’re abroad!
New City Blues
Let me set the stage: You moved to a new city full of excitement and expectation. You created a vision board, made a list of all the things you want to see, do and eat, and emptied out your camera roll to make space for new memories.
It felt wonderful at the start. There was that first moment when you stepped off the plane, not as tourist, but as a person ready to create a home. Life felt fresh and exciting. As you met new people you said yes to everything – events, dates, day trips, you name it. If it was happening, you were going. Life was easy and wonderful, all the things it should be.
But after a while you started to notice things. The cashier at the local supermarket didn’t seem to smile when you went to check-out. Conversations with your colleagues didn’t ever really make it past small talk. And as much you loved your new friends, over time you noticed that you guys didn’t really share deeper values.
It Happens
After 3 months living in Barcelona I could feel that the extra magic was missing. And being away from family plus not speaking the local language makes the loneliness just a little spicier, you know?
I’d known people in the past who experienced the same things when they moved. They told me that they’d ask themselves, “What should I do?” “How can I get along better with people?” “What can I change about myself to make more friends?”
But I… didn’t feel the need to do that. My attitude was more like meh. If you don’t vibrate with people, you don’t vibrate with them. There’s nothing wrong with that.
It happens.
How I Built My Inner Friendship
So what did I do instead?
I searched online how to cope with loneliness in a new city. Most of the answers were to join a Facebook group or find a class to attend.
They were wonderful ideas, and I tried them out. Not a single one brought me regret: taking night salsa classes, going for excursions, and hanging out with new people. But they didn’t solve the deeper problem of feeling alone.
I was looking for something – someone that would see me. And one day an epiphany came. Why didn’t I just see myself?
Look Alive!
Think about this: there are always signs around advertising fun events. Orchestras, plays, cooking classes, you name it. Many of the posters I saw were things I had wanted to try but didn’t because I couldn’t find someone to go with.
That’s a paradox, isn’t it? Deciding that you’re not allowed to do the things because you’re not enough on your own. Yet we came into this world alone.
I had all of these plans: go to the Michael Jackson show. Go to the carnival. Go to the beach town. Well, one day I decided that being a good friend to me meant listening to myself. I was shaking in my little booties, mind you, but I went. And each time I had a blast.
We underestimate how much fun our own company is. Seriously, no one is going to think you’re more of a blast than you. Once we decide to let go of embarrassment, hanging with ourselves can be even more fun than doing things with friends. Even as an extravert, I never regretted doing things I’ve always wanted to do on my own.
It was far better, in my opinion, to laugh alone then to not laugh at all.
Become Your Own Best Friend!
Use the following list and take some time to connect with your inner you!
1. Go on a walk
No headphones, no distractions.
Take 30 minutes to walk around your city and see what catches your eye. Make note of it. Find the similarities in the things that peak your interest. This will help you draw the line between who you are, and who the world has told you you’re supposed to be. The more you know who you are, the more you’ll engage with the activities that make you feel truly loved.
2. Go to a restaurant by yourself
I still struggle with this one.
At times that little voice in the back of my head goes “What will people think if they see me alone?” It’s easy to start thinking about all the potential reactions. Before I know it, I scare myself out of going.
But I have a trick. If you catch yourself doing this, think about all the times you’ve seen people eating alone. Did you think anything of it? Do you remember what the person looked like? Probably not, right? Well, if you don’t remember them, chances are people won’t remember you either. Try this and see if it helps you visit a restaurant you’ve been dying to eat at.
3. Leave when you’re no longer enjoying yourself
Doing this teaches us two things: How to be honest with ourselves and how to take control of our lives!
It might seem strange at first. Arriving to an event only to leave halfway through the night could cause you to feel some guilt. That’s completely normal. In these situations, remind yourself that your time and energy are limited. Our lives are much too short to force ourselves to do things we don’t want to do!
If you would rather be at the carnival around the corner from the bar you’re in, go to the carnival. If you’re not enjoying the food at the restaurant you’re in, pay and leave. Our feelings will tell us when we’re doing what is right for ourselves. When we get in the practice of honoring them, we find ourselves feeling much more loved and heard!
4. Buy the tickets first
Before you ask anyone if they want to go with you; before you send the link in the group chat or post it on your story – buy your ticket!
Once the vendor has your hard-earned money, you have committed to your plans with yourself. That way, even if no one comes along, you will still experience the joy you were looking forward to. You might even come across a surprise!
My favorite experience: I wanted to see Doctor Strange 2 in the middle of dissertation season. Everyone was studying around the table, but I knew I needed a fun break. I walked to the theater by myself in the late afternoon, and guess what? It was completely empty. Talk about luxury experiences!
That’s All of Them!
Following these four steps will turn you from tortured observer to your very own best friend. And once you’ve turned that corner, the connections you make with people will be the type that make you to feel loved deep down in your soul!
When we make our happiness our priority, the Universe makes our happiness Its priority as well. So don’t be afraid to lean in; learn to love your quirks, dreams and desires! After all, if you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else?
I love you!
Next, learn how to become a positive thinker!
Buy a Joy Journal on Amazon and start experiencing true happiness today!
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