Amour Abroad

Raise your hand if the word “friend” brings up more hurt than smiles. 

Aye. 🙋🏾‍♀️

Boy oh boy, I used to hate a fake friend. There wasn’t much that would upset me more than the moment I realized I was being used. I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting them through the years, but wow, the pain of toxic friendships is strong. Let’s talk about how to let go of them and move on.


Envy, insecurity, inauthenticity – these energies followed my relationships around until I decided enough was enough four years ago. It was exhausting trying to navigate friendships that caused me to overthink, abandon myself and accept the least.

The tea is that this stuff starts in the home, as the connections we build are a mirror of what we have with our parents, but that’s a conversation for another day. 

By the time the pandemic rolled around, I had learned about these signs of jealousy, which was always where the friendship ended. See if you’ve picked up on some of these behaviors:


1. They don’t compliment you.

2. They don’t reach out to you.

3. They tell you that your dreams are too big.

4. They laugh at or insult your ideas in public, but copy them in private.

5. They don’t speak up for you when others talk about you.

6. They become sullen when you succeed.

7. They attempt to embarrass or belittle you in front of others.

8. They happen to always be attracted to the same person as you.

9. They are constantly telling you how lucky you are. (Life hack: Affirm this comment to manifest, but remember that no one who respects your effort will call the results luck).

10. They have a casual disregard for basic manners in your friendship. (Ex: They regularly show up to important events later than what is considered fashionable).

These little instances don’t feel like much in the moment, which is good because it means you’re calm and measured. But they have a tendency to pile up, and can often lead to abandonment or betrayal. 

So what did I do when I noticed these things? Well, there’s 4 steps to take that show the truth of your friendship. Follow these steps and trust your heart.

1. Make note of how you felt at the beginning of your friendship. 


To be real, we often know how things are gonna go with people from the start. That’s that intuition ringing loud and clear. 

When I spotted the signs, I’d think back to my first conversation with that person: did it feel forced or uncomfortable? Or did my heart gravitate towards them? 

If it was the first, I’d slowly fall back. No, I wasn’t planning on going out tonight, y’all have fun though. A congratulations text when they succeed, but no need to show up to the dinner. Little by little, remove yourself from their life. And if you find that a weight has been lifted from your shoulders in their absence… 😬 snip snip!

Side note: it can be tricky. An envious friend may behave angrily or passive aggressively towards you, but they also know where their blessings lie. That’s why they keep hanging around. 

When you implement boundaries, people tend to project. This sort may run back to your mutual friends and tell them what an awful person you are, how you were using them and such, or accuse you of being a fraud and attack your character. 

Not to worry love. This is how people tell on themselves. What this person struggles with is accountability; the best thing you can do is leave them to sort out their emotions.


So, you’ve identified this problem, you’ve implemented boundaries and stopped spending time with them. Now what?

Now it’s time to focus on you.

2. Cleanse your thoughts!


Chances are you hear their responses in your thoughts. If you were friends for years, you might hear their voice, or you may have picked up their patterns of speech. If they weren’t very nice, this imprint could be work against you. 

You’ll need to cleanse your thoughts. Get back to your original self, plus the good stuff you took from your relationship!

Start by being encouraging and celebrating yourself. As envious friends are the biggest haters, chances are you didn’t receive a warm response to your graduation or engagement. 

Congratulate yourself! Post yourself online, give yourself a hug, take yourself out for ice cream. You’ll show your body that the feelings it was hoping to receive are still available, while engaging in some serious self-love. This is where your personal power lies!

3. Cry.


It sucks to lose a friend. All the memes you won’t laugh about together, trips you’ll never take, gossip you’ll never share… it hurts. Depending on how long you were close, the ending could cause grief. All you can do when these feelings arise is breathe, let your emotions out and comfort yourself. Find step-by-step guidance in my Self Care for Sad Girls post. 

A word of caution: you know how right after a break up, you meet somebody new… but that person usually seems like a watered down version of of your ex? Friend break-ups are the same. If you find there suddenly aren’t many people for you to reach out to, go solo for a while! It always works for the best. Remember, solitude leads to growth. ✨

4. Have some fun!


Don’t mind what people are and aren’t saying – the people who aren’t meant for you won’t believe your explanations, and the people who are don’t need them. Live your life! 


Your ex-friend may come back around with a changed tune – maybe they did some inner work or miss you and want things to go back to how they were. Trust your immediate instinct! If the thought fills you with joy, try again. Sit down and have a real conversation about how you felt, and be open to their point of view. Who knows? Maybe you were both misunderstanding each other and you just needed to work on communication. 

If you don’t feel comfortable with it though – and I mean even just a twinge of doubt – wish them well and move on. With 8 billion people in the world, you are both certain to find friends who are better fits for you. 

By following these steps you’re sure to find yourself in connections with people who truly understand you, respect you and, when they have a problem, speak to you about it! You’ll find yourself a lot less stressed, and when your relationships feed into you, you can pour your into other parts of your life! 


There are some people who, after they put their foot down on toxicity, find themselves alone for a little while. You thought it’d just be a couple of months, but one day you realize you haven’t been to a bar with a group in a year and a half.

I know because that was me for a solid minute.

Congratulations Amour. That means you’re moving into alignment with your soul family. Good times and lifelong relationships are ahead. 

I’ll write more on that in times to come, but I will say now that the people the Universe meant for you to do life with are a lot more like you than you know. Due to the similarities, you’re all required to go within and heal, which usually happens alone and takes a bit of time.

I promise, when you come out on the other side you will barely recognize the confident, empowered, loving and wise person you’ve become.

When I’ve got it the healing process mapped out, I’ll share it with you. 


Until then, keep doing what you’re doing! Unconditional love is the key to everything you desire.


I love you!