Great news: it’s completely possible to get rid of loneliness for good! Many say that loneliness follows you throughout life, but that’s because they are not acknowledging what loneliness truly is.
Loneliness is a state of distress or discomfort that develops when one perceives a gap between their desire for connection and their actual experience of it.
In other words, it’s feeling unseen, unheard, and unloved. These are not things you want following you around in this lifetime.
I’m happy to report that with time and consistency, loneliness can be healed. How does it happen? By receiving the Universe’s everlasting love when you’re all by yourself! It’s easy to do, and only requires that you focus on having fun!
New City Blues
Tell me if this scenario feels familiar to you: You moved to a new city full of excitement and expectation. You created a vision board, made a list of all the things you want to see, do and eat, and emptied out your camera roll to make space for new memories.
It felt wonderful at the start. There was that first moment when you stepped off the plane, not as tourist, but as a person ready to create a home. Life felt fresh and exciting. As you met new people you said yes to everything – events, dates, day trips, you name it. If it was happening, you were going. Life was easy and wonderful, all the things it should be.
But after a while you started to notice things. The cashier at the local supermarket didn’t seem to smile when you went to check-out – not sure if they were having bad day, but gosh, a smile back would have been nice. Conversations with your co-workers didn’t ever really make it past small talk. And as much you loved your new friends, over time you noticed that you guys didn’t really share deeper values.
It Happens
And does.
After 3 months living in Barcelona I could feel that the extra magic was missing. And being away from family plus not speaking the local language really spices up the loneliness, you know?
However, I’d known people in the past who experienced the same things when they moved. They told me that they’d ask themselves, “What should I do?” “How can I get along better with people?” “What can I change about myself to make more friends?”
I… didn’t feel the need to do that. My attitude was more like meh. If you don’t vibrate with people, you don’t vibrate with them. There’s nothing wrong with that.
It happens.
How I Built My Inner Friendship
So what did I do instead?
I searched online how to cope with loneliness in a new city. Most of the answers were to join a Facebook group or find a class to attend.
They were wonderful ideas, and I tried them out. Not a single one brought me regret: taking night salsa classes, going for excursions, and hanging out with new people. But they didn’t solve the deeper problem: I felt alone.
I was looking for something – someone that would see me. And one day an epiphany came. Why didn’t I just see myself?
Look Alive!
Consider this: there are always signs around, advertising events you might enjoy. Orchestras, plays, cooking classes, you name it. A lot of what I saw were things I had wanted to try, but didn’t because I couldn’t find someone to go with.
Looking back, that’s a paradox, isn’t it? Deciding that you’re not allowed to do the things because you’re not enough on your own. Yet we came into this world alone.
“There must always be a second.” I wonder when we learn that.
I had all of these plans: go to the Michael Jackson show. Go to the carnival. Go to the beach town. Well, one day I decided that being a good friend to me meant listening to myself. I was shaking in my little booties, mind you, but I went. And each time I had a blast.
We underestimate how much fun our own company is. Seriously, no one is going to think you’re more of a blast than you. Once we decide to let go of embarrassment, hanging with ourselves can be even more fun than doing things with friends. Even as an extravert, I never regretted doing things I’ve always wanted to do on my own.
It was far better, in my opinion, to laugh alone then to not laugh at all.
Become Your Own Best Friend!
Use the following list and take some time to connect with your inner you!
1. Go on a walk
No headphones, no distractions.
Take 30 minutes to walk around your city and see what catches your eye. Make note of it. Find the similarities in the things that peak your interest. This will help you draw the line between who you are, and who the world has told you you’re supposed to be. The more you know who you are, the more you’ll engage with the activities that make you feel truly loved.
2. Go to a restaurant by yourself
I still struggle with this one.
At times that little voice in the back of my head goes “What will people think if they see me alone?” It’s easy to start thinking about all the potential reactions. Before I know it, I scare myself out of going.
But I have a trick. If you catch yourself doing this, think about all the times you’ve seen people eating alone. Did you think anything of it? Do you remember what the person looked like? Probably not, right? Well, if you don’t remember them, chances are people won’t remember you either. Try this and see if it helps you visit a restaurant you’ve been dying to eat at.
3. Leave when you’re no longer enjoying yourself
Doing this teaches us two things: How to be honest with ourselves and how to take control of our lives!
It might seem strange at first. Arriving to an event only to leave halfway through the night could cause you to feel some guilt. That’s completely normal. In these situations, remind yourself that your time and energy are limited. Our lives are much too short to force ourselves to do things we don’t want to do!
If you would rather be at the carnival around the corner from the bar you’re in, go to the carnival. If you’re not enjoying the food at the restaurant you’re in, pay and leave. Our feelings will tell us when we’re doing what is right for ourselves. When we get in the practice of honoring them, we find ourselves feeling much more loved and heard!
4. Buy the tickets first
Before you ask anyone if they want to go with you; before you send the link in the group chat or post it on your story – buy your ticket!
Once the vendor has your hard-earned money, you have committed to your plans with yourself. That way, even if no one comes along, you will still experience the joy you were looking forward to. You might even come across a surprise!
My favorite experience: I wanted to see Doctor Strange 2 in the middle of dissertation season. Everyone was studying around the table, but I knew I needed a fun break. I walked to the theater by myself in the late afternoon, and guess what? It was completely empty. Talk about luxury experiences!
Conclusion
Following these four steps will turn you from tortured observer to your very own best friend. And once you’ve turned that corner, the connections you make with people will be the type that make you to feel loved deep down in your soul!
When we make our happiness our priority, the Universe makes our happiness Its priority as well. So don’t be afraid to lean in; learn to love your quirks, dreams and desires! After all, if you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else?
I love you!
Next, learn how to become the most positive thinker you know!
Buy a Joy Journal on Amazon and start experiencing true happiness today!
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