5 min read

trigger warning *depression* 

I can be honest about it – I had a point in my adulthood when I couldn’t see my future. No real plans, no paths or dreams. 

It was what it sounds like.

Glory to God, it’s all in the past now. And I try not to think about it anymore, but something wonderful happened the other day that filled in my heart. Something that told me that maybe, the parts of me I thought I had to leave behind might actually make the path to my future.  

I’m calling them sunrise moments.

You know when you feel like you’ve been on a wheel for a long time, running and running with no end in sight? Life feels so bleak then, like we’re just floating pointlessly through space on this giant tiny rock, waiting for miracles. And for some time I didn’t think miracles happened for me, so those moments were especially brutal. 

But the other day, I found money in the street. 

I know it seems like a little thing (it was $16 after all), but the way it happened gave me a new, sturdy kind of hope. 

I’d spent the day at About Time, my favorite café in Koreatown. When you visit, order the hibiscus tea with ice and extra syrup, it’s delightful. I had made the decision to be consistent with my products on Etsy. Up until now I had been experimenting, but I figured it was time to start building the inventory and posting. 

I didn’t want to stress myself out, so I planned to only create one new product a week. But that day I found myself staring at the screen with a specific image in my head.

Instinctively I opened up Canva, and before I made it to the end of Ariana Grande’s new album, I had finished the design. 

A purple and gold sunset. Or sunrise.

I knew how I tended to jump into things full force once I realized I liked it, and I really, really wanted to keep myself in a happy healthy mind space, so I thought ‘This will be the one I post on Friday.’ 

5 minutes later the journal was live on Etsy and I’d uploaded the pictures to TikTok. 

What am I going to do with myself? 5 years of healing and spirituality just to ignore the stop signs I’d learned? When would I finally slow down and live simply?Thoughts like that passed through the back of my head. 

But the journal was so freaking beautiful and I’m so proud of it that I just ignored them. And anyway, what could I do? The journal was live!

I don’t beat myself up anymore (I have become my own best friend 🙂), so I decided to let it ride. On my walk home I stopped on the corner, feeling the sun on my face and the wind on my skin. Warm air, cool wind, a perfect SoCal spring day. I thanked God for making me a creative person, and went on my way. 

That’s when I noticed three little green clumps on the ground. 

I don’t look at the ground when I walk. Does that make me bougie? I learned the phrase ‘My eyes are high’ in Korean, and in practice it accidentally became an affirmation. Whatever. Jesus said lift your eyes to Heaven. I figured it was the same thing. 

But I couldn’t help but notice that familiar vague green, the particular center fold that said ‘these were once part of the same bunch.’ I glanced down, and there they were: two fives and a bundle of ones, sitting, waiting, watching to see if the Pacific breeze would take them away. 

I looked to the left. 

I looked to the right. 

We were in front of a bank. Certainly someone had just withdrawn them and was looking for them right that instance. I stepped on the fives and grabbed them as they began to skitter, then the ones. I folded them up and looked around. 

No one looked back. 

Not the people who had just stepped over them to cross the street. Not the man in the suit passing by. Not the guy on his bike watching me look for someone. 

Whoever had it before me was gone. Which meant… the money was mine!


I’ve been manifesting finding money in the streets for months. I was elated. 

I skipped and sang and hopped down the street, wondering what I’d do with my new found wealth. And as people watched, I began to think about the series of events that had just played out. 

I let my creativity flow through me. I went full speed like I used to. I felt the warmth of the sun. And money presented itself to me. 

I like to think that God speaks pretty clearly. And it seemed to me that He was saying I could get back into my old habits. Instead of leading me to burnout or despair, I could trust that they’d lead me to granted wishes. 

Whoa. 

I guess years of therapy and meditation really cleaned out my vibration. 



I sat with the feeling- rather, danced with the feeling when I got home. I wasn’t expecting to have such a wonderful experience. Running into money after ignoring my doubts and misgivings? In the past I’d known my success to come from heeding them. 

But, where had they gotten me really, I wondered. Depressed and lonely, lost and confused. Certainly not watching my manifestations come to life. I found myself thinking that life feels better when I just let myself be as unapologetically me as I can. 

It feels better, it looks better, and I get luckier. 

I feel like I have a new outlook on who I am. Not just the parts that I’ve learned to love, but also the physical parts that I thought had led me to destruction. 

My blood runs hot. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe I don’t need to be sweet and mild all the time. 

I go with my gut and never read terms or conditions. Maybe that’s faith and intuition.

Maybe it’s even okay to go full throttle and burnout a little. What if it’s only ‘burnout’ when we’re depressed? What if it’s just I’m-tired-and-need-a-nap once we’re balanced and stable? I mean, I’m writing this at 11:33pm. 

These thoughts are turning so many gears in my head now, and not just my mind, but my body feels safer, more awake, and more grounded than it has in years. The hope is in my toes. 

So, I’m calling these sunrise moments. Moments when new light is shined on old things. Moments when life feels fresh and ready for more. I’m excited to see what else changes. 

Soon, I’ll be looking at a different sunrise – one I’ve never seen before in my life. The second thing I’m jumping into without reading terms or conditions. 

Amour Abroad will be abroad again soon. Thanks for reading! And stay tuned. 


P.S. “저는 눈이 높아요” (did I spell that right?) Literally ‘My eyes are high,’ means you have high standards. Use when oppa forgets you went to the Steve Harvey school of dating for young women.